Jordon Hudson: A Portrait
Just who is this 24-year old dating Bill Belichick, well I did some research and you wouldn't believe her past!
You know what I’m sick of? The whole Bill Belichick-Jordon Hudson story. At its best, this has been a cringy relationship that I can disassociate myself from. It’s like if you hate your buddy’s wife, but you never see her, so you can put out of your mind how she made you leave that concert just as Willie Nelson was joining Jamey Johnson on stage to do “I Saw the Light” for their encore. In fact it doesn’t even really both you 15-years later and probably won’t finally vent those frustrations to thousands of people in a Notebook or anything. (I’m fine, really. I swear, let’s just drop it.)
However this week, after the media firestorm and enough memes to choke Hungry Hungry Hippos (not a sponsor?) I couldn’t turn a blind eye to the story. But if I’m going to write about this story, I’m going to do it right. So I did a deep dive into Jordon Hudson and the apparent atrocities that she has perpetrated in her mere 24-years of life.
Before we get to my research, here is what we learned in wake of her storming out on the CBS interview: we learned that Jordon is the reason that the HBO/Hard Knocks show on UNC football got canceled. And her mom owns a sex toy store. And somehow, since she started dating the greatest football coach in history, she has (by osmosis?) amassed a real estate portfolio worth over $9 million.
But did you know that she’s also the driving force behind Dallas Mavericks’ GM Nico Harrison trading Luka Doncic to the Lakers for Anthony Davis and two old satin jackets left at the Forum?
Not only that, but apparently last year she told Joe Schoen and the Mara Family that it would be a great idea for the New York Giants to do an off season Hard Knocks show, wherein they show everything they do in an offseason where they let their franchise player walk to their division rival, only for him to then rush for 2000+ yards on his way to a Super Bowl. She thought it would help with brand awareness, you know because the Giants are so new to the NFL.
Jordon not only has NFL ties outside of her relationship with the Hoodie, but she actually has a history with the University of North Carolina football team prior to Bill going to Chapel Hill. (She might be the reason he went there in the first place.) But in 2017, acting as an advisor to the Chicago Bears, she pushed for the Monsters of the Midway to trade up to get a quarterback in the draft. Not a fan of Texas Tech QB Patrick Mahomes, Hudson was a driving force behind the team swapping picks to move up to #2 and selecting Tar Heels signal caller Mitchell Trubisky.
Jordon doesn’t just work in basketball and football though, but I didn’t know this until I started reading into it, I found that she is a great admirer of Alex Verdugo. It was during a cocktail party at a rapper’s apartment in New York, (the name was redacted so I’m not sure which rapper it is, but I’m sure we’ll find out) that she suggested to a Red Sox executive that the team should do whatever it takes to get Verdugo in Boston, even if it meant giving up Mookie Betts. Apparently, baseball scouting isn’t in her future.
I think it’s personal with Jordon and the Red Sox, because I found that in a 2004 game of pickup basketball that she intentionally fouled Aaron Boone , the result of the play was Boone tore his ACL, which then led to the Yankees trading Alfonso Soriano to the Texas Rangers for Alex Rodriguez. Even though the Red Sox had been pursuing the Rangers MVP for months. She owed us one, because in 2003 she was actually dating Sox bullpen coach Euclides Rojas and during game 7 in New York, because the Red Sox had the game salted away with a 5-2 lead, she called her mom from the bullpen phone in the 6th inning. Sox manager, Grady Little, tried dialing the pen for 90 minutes and kept getting a busy signal. The explosion from the crowd when the Yankees tied the game at 5 was so loud that she was forced to hang up the phone on mum. At least with the A-Rod thing, I think we actually dodged a bullet.
You know who else dodged a bullet? Washington DC! Jordon was a consultant for the Washington basketball team in 1997 when they decided to change the name from Bullets and it was actually Jordon Hudson who pounded the table most vociferously for the name Wizards. Very interesting. Some have said that Jordon foresaw how popular the Harry Potter series was going to become thus leading to the remarkable good fortune the franchise has enjoyed for the better part of the last 30 years. (So help me if they get Cooper Flagg.)
Prior to the NBA, Jordon went out west, with dreams of becoming a star! She got a job as a limo driver in Las Vegas. Unfortunately her career got off to a rocky start, as her first gig was after a Mike Tyson fight for the late Tupac Shakur.
Tupac’s demise was tragic in many ways and one was that it spelled the end of her career in the automotive industry, which got started in the early 90’s when she sold cars in Los Angeles. She got a job at a Ford dealership in Brentwood and her biggest sale was a pair of white Ford Broncos to Al Cowings and OJ Simpson.
Speaking of Tyson, Hudson actually worked as a personal trainer in the early 90’s and by chance actually became the personal trainer for the world’s heavyweight champion in 1990. Mike had been looking for someone to replace his late coach Cus D’Amato and thought Hudson would be a suitable replacement. Hudson was a huge proponent of Tyson accepting the Buster Douglas fight because quote “I’ve never been to Japan, and I really want to go to Tokyo! And we wouldn’t need to train very hard, because Douglas in a tomato can. Then we’ll come back and do that whole Holyfield fight that everyone is yapping about. What could go wrong!?!”
After graduation from Michigan, Hudson had been something of a figure skating prodigy and some had her pegged for the gold medal in Lillehammer. Hudson and her teammates had a prank war going back to their days as back up dancers for Milli Vanilli. Right before the Olympic trials, Nancy Kerrigan had put a rubber spider in Hudson’s salad, but Kerrigan didn’t know that Hudson could’ve had a latex allergy, which certainly would have made her skating skirt fit weird. So Hudson was furious at the insensitivity in Kerrigan’s careless prank so close to the games. Hudson, and she’s not proud of this, then lamented to her roommate during training, Tonya Harding and said “If I had enough money or knew someone who would, boy I’d sure like to get her back good!”
Before that, she was your typical college student. She had a 3.75 GPA, in the drama club and was a cheerleader for the University of Michigan. This was during the era of the Fab Five, so she actually got to sit courtside for the Final Four in 1993. In fact, she was on the baseline when Chris Webber pulled down the infamous rebound at the end of the national championship game and if you slow the video down, you can see a dark haired cheerleader leap to her feet and yell “CALL TIMEOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!”
She did catch a bit of a break while in Hollywood, but she wasn’t able to capitalize on the opportunity. She was actually cast in a two-part Seinfeld episode as Jerry’s girlfriend. (She fit the type.) In the story, it was going to be Ms. Hudson, not Keith Hernandez, who supposedly spit at Kramer and Newman. But her demands of a musical number, a recurring role (Jerry’s girlfriends never got multiple episodes), Elaine being killed off and Kramer’s hair being cut were all rejected by Larry David, who then decided to cut Hudson out of the episode completely. He then cast Roger McDowell in the role of the second spitter.
That episode of Seinfeld, wasn’t Hudson’s first brush with Keith Hernandez. Jordon Hudson was a babysitter in her youth and actually was the go-to sitter for Red Sox manager John McNamara. In fact, she was in the dugout for game 6 of the 1986 World Series and convinced the Sox skipper to pull Roger Clemens from the game. Her exact quote was “don’t you think people are sick of watching him? I mean, enough already.” Another of her baby sitting clients was Bill Buckner, who when McNamara was going to pull him in the 10th for defensive replacement Dave Stapleton, Hudson held her breath and stamped her feet in protest, until the manager agreed to leave Buckner in the game.
While she was in college, Hudson did a study abroad and surprisingly chose to finish her studies beyond the Iron Curtain. While there, she got a work study job as manager of the Soviet hockey team and was actually in Lake Placid in 1980. (Which was good, she had a lot of laundry to do while she was home in the states.) In fact, she was such a trusted voice for head coach Viktor Tikhonov, that after the first period of their medal round game against the United States, Hudson convinced Tikhonov that he should remove goalie Viktor Tretiak after the first period. “It’s not like we’re going to lose and Vladimir Myschkin hasn’t gotten to play very much recently. I think it would be nice if he got to play in the Olympics.”
3 years before her travel to Russia, Jordon found herself on the bench of the Los Angeles Lakers as an athletic trainer. As often did in 1977, one night a melee broke out with the Rockets. As Houston’s Rudy Tomjonovich ran towards the scrum, Hudson shouted “WATCH OUT” to power forward Kermit Washington.
Some other bullet points from her Wikipedia that I found:
- Briefly dated drummer Ringo Starr until she had a disagreement with Yoko Ono about who was the Eggman and who was the Walrus, the band broke up the following week.
- Belichick and Starr aren’t her first high profile romances, she had a brief fling with John F Kennedy before he was President. The relationship didn’t go anywhere, as Kennedy was more enamored with Hudson’s friend Marilyn.
- Jordon Hudson really got her start in show business as a stage actress in an aspirational production of No, No Nanette, but needed financing. After a night of dinner and many many drinks, she was able to convince Harry Frazee to finance the show. Frazee would raise the funds to put on the production by selling George Herman Ruth to the New York Yankees. Hudson told a wavering Frazee “You’ve won 5 times already this century, certainly you’ll win more. It’s not like you’re going to be cursed for eternity. You’ll get another Babe Ruth.”
So when the media asks “What makes Jordon Hudson feel so entitled?” You could say that she has had a lot of life experiences for someone so young. Some bad, some worse, but clearly she has learned from her variety of experiences. Or you could call her the Forest Gump of failure.